Remembering Ferris DeRouen

In Remembrance of Ferris Joseph DeRouen

Written by Dan McDonald

            Our plans are fragile and subject to change.  I had planned for this month that every article I would place on my blog site would be connected to some thinking I was doing on the subject of self-identity from a Christian perspective; at least from my own understanding of what would be a Christian perspective.  This article is an exception to that plan.  On Thursday evening, February 28, 2013, a friend passed away suddenly.  He was only 47 years old, and that seems too young of an age to die.  Today a memorial service was held to remember him.  I did not venture to speak a word, but listened as everything I heard about him from others served to reinforce what I had known of him.  Everything spoken in regards to his life, served to broaden my understanding that what made him such a good friend to me, had also enabled him to be a friend to virtually everyone that knew him.

            I am especially writing this article to share with those who knew Ferris from working with him in recent years.  Most readers of my blog site never met him.  If you had I imagine you would have discovered the things I will share about him.  For those that did know him, I hope in writing this article; that those of you who knew Ferris, will be able to see and feel some of your own thoughts about Ferris reinforced.

            I discovered in today’s memorial service that my friendship that I knew with Ferris was not all that special.  I say that only as a way of grabbing your attention.  You see I discovered that many people had the same sort of friendship with Ferris that I did.  So I didn’t have a unique friendship with him in the way that hardly anyone else knew.  If you knew Ferris, you knew a special sort of friendship with him because of who he was and how he lived.  If you entered a conversation with Ferris he would listen closely to what you said, and get a feel for what made you tick, and he would find a common interest in the varied interests of your life upon which to build a friendship.  So you see my having a friendship with Ferris wasn’t unique for Ferris found a way to build a pathway towards friendship with nearly everyone he met.  Now that is unique and that is what I discovered at the memorial service that I had hardly known about Ferris.  It was not unique that I had a friendship with Ferris.  It was unique that Ferris found the time and the ways to build so many friendships with virtually everyone he met.  I am sure, like everyone, that he had only a limited time to spend building those friendships that he began, but if you knew Ferris you likely found someone who listened to you, and began to build a pathway towards friendship with you.

            That is what I heard people saying over and over at the memorial service held to remember Ferris.  This feature made him a good worker, and a good team worker.  That is something I also heard about Ferris.  Before Ferris worked for the company where he and I were employed together before his passing, he had worked for the Williams Company in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  An interviewer for the Williams Company spoke at the memorial service.  Ferris came for an interview and when the interviewer asked him what he knew about the work they were doing, Ferris candidly admitted that he did not know a lot about the kind of work the man was asking him questions about.  But Ferris told the man, “I would like for you to tell me more about it.”  It was this quality shown by Ferris of real inquisitiveness and wanting to know more about the work the company was doing that led the interviewer to recommend hiring Ferris.  He had a team that Ferris would work with, if hired, to meet him.  That team met with Ferris and agreed he should be a part of the team.  It was this quality that made Ferris such a universal friend to everyone who met him.  If you got in a conversation and you told him something about yourself, he was interested in knowing and understanding more.  That was what made you feel like you had a very special friendship with Ferris DeRouen, but really what you had was a friendship with a very special man, Ferris DeRouen.

            I think another thing that should be known about Ferris, is that his friendship went beyond the ordinary gift of gab.  He gave of himself to meet the needs of others when he was involved in friendship.  I remember when Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast.  Ferris had friends and family in the Gulf Coast region of southern Mississippi.  At the time, he had only enough service time to have one or two weeks of vacation.  He used at least the better part of a week of his allotted vacation to make a trip to Mississippi.  He filled his jeep with supplies to give to family and friends needing help.  All this came out of his own pocket, although a few of us when we saw what he was doing made some contributions to help him help others.  Not everyone with a friendly face that is friendly in conversation with others necessarily has such a willingness to be there when others needs help.  Ferris was interested in connecting to what others found to be special in life, what others were doing in life, and also to what others needed help with in life.

            I have sometimes thought that the best way to remember a human being whose life you celebrated and whose death you mourn, is to take one thing that you appreciated about that person and to seek to see it grow in you as you move forward in your own life.  There are many things about Ferris worthy of wanting to see grow in ourselves as we move forward.  He always showed an interest in what mattered to others.  He always wanted to learn new things in connection with his friendships to others.  He always wanted to be there when friends were in need.  Any of those things are worth seeking to emulate in a way so as to remember a friend we shall miss.

            I have mostly only regret in connection with Ferris.  I remember going at least once, and I think twice after work to McNellie’s.  I am a fairly religious man, sometimes overly so probably, but I love an occasional pint of ale to drink to friendship.  So we went to the pub and had a sandwich and some sweet potato fries, he had a Coke (some sort of soda pop) and I had a pint of fine English Ale.  We chatted and enjoyed spending some time together.  He didn’t forget his wife.  He called her on his cell phone and asked her what take home item she would like him to bring with him as he left McNellie’s.  I think the last time I saw Ferris was during the turnaround last December.  We talked of going to McNellie’s again sometime.  But of course, we were busy.  When we got less busy no one thought about it.  Then last Wednesday night I thought about it.  I thought that on Thursday I would email him at work about doing that again.  Thursday got real busy and it slipped my mind.  On Friday morning, one of the other guys who I worked with when working with Ferris found me.  He told me of Ferris’ passing.  I will remember him the next time I go to McNellie’s, or several other places where I was accustomed to seeing him.  If we are meant to pass on what was first passed along to us, then the gift of friendship which Ferris gave to me would be a good gift for me to give to someone else.  That is what I will try to remember from Ferris and pass onwards to others in remembrance of Ferris.  He knew instinctively how to build a friendship; to listen, to take interest in what he was hearing, and to care for the other person's actual needs whether they needed someone to talk to, or supplies after a hurricane had struck.  Some of us are not as outgoing, nor as instinctive about building friendships, but in a way he showed us some of the mechanics of building frienships.  So if there is something I can take from his life to pass forward to others, it is to learn from how he built friendships and to try to incorporate some of those attributes into my own life as I relate to others.  When I remember Ferris now, and at times in the future, I will try to remember also that his life was a reminder that God's greatest gifts to us come in human form, the persons who touch our lives.  He had like all of us many ambitions, wishes, desires; and yet I remember him as someone whose greatest love and enjoyment were the people he knew.
       Our thoughts at this time are with Ferris' family, closest friends, and especially the wife he treasured.  They have lost a wonderful and loving friend.  May the memories of his friendship and the care of the one who created Ferris surround them and uphold them at this time.  Everybody that knew Ferris knew a little bit of his friendship, but for some they knew his whole friendship, and so our thoughts and prayers go out for them.