Singleness and Bearing the Image of God

Singleness and

Bearing the Image of the God who is love

Written by Dan McDonald

 

            I spend too much time on Twitter. But can you blame me? It is where I have found people who don’t have the same perspectives as I. My life has largely been one where in my mind I was pursuing theological wisdom. I often saw people who disagreed with my understanding of truth to be distractions from the search for truth. Being on Twitter has challenged conclusions I have assumed over a lifetime. I have gradually realized that all God-given theology is given for the purpose of shaping us into people who love God with all heart, soul, mind, and strength; and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. This means contrary to how I had understood life as a search for truth and those opposed to truth as distractions; that instead the search for truth is a search for understanding how to love, and that those who I thought were distractions were actually a part of the focus for which I had been called to seek truth.

            My particular focus in writing this blog is to address people who are single and would really like to be married. It is for those who are in this situation and for those who know such persons in this situation. I write not only for those who are single and have never been married but also for the wounded that have been married and now are single. Some have lost a spouse to death. Some were married and no longer are. Many of you were either wounded by betrayal or battle with a feeling of failure, and often you struggle with both. I am writing this for those of you who are single and for those of you who know such people. I was moved to write this blog in response to some quotes that I will summarize to protect anonymity. One of the quotes had to do with someone finding that she often wished for a husband because she thought life would be easier in many ways. At the same time she also realized she was an adult and didn’t she have the wherewithal to make simple decisions. In other words she wanted to beat herself over the head for yearning to be married, for understanding that some things would be easier if she were married, and for letting that hold her back from doing what she could do now. I think a lot of us as singles can relate the sort of painful self-analysis that says we are misfits living outside the norms of life, and we are misfits because we fail to make our misfit situations work. In such a state it is easy to imagine ourselves as hopeless persons imprisoned in our cells outside of ordinary life without reprieve. It is easy for a destructive self-condemnation cycle to take hold that will paralyze our lives to some degree.

            I do not feel particularly gifted to write to singles about the many nuances of singleness. I have been single all of my life and I am nearly sixty years old. But for the most part, all I know about singleness is from my own experience which is limited. I would recommend Sarah Thebarge’s blog spot as a good place to read some great articles on singleness. You can read her blogs at http://sarahthebarge.com/blog/  I especially loved this http://sarahthebarge.com/2015/01/if-singleness-is-necessity/. While you’re into reading stuff by Sarah, I still believe the most important book, (for me) that I read in 2014 was her book The Invisible Girls. It told of how she went to Portland, Oregon because it was about as far as she could go from what she had been dealing with on the east coast. She had felt invisible while suffering through cancer which was joined to being abandoned by a fiancé. Then in Portland while on a bus she met a family of invisible girls; a family with great needs who seemed invisible to those around them. Sarah Thebarge's helped me to begin to see that all around me are invisible people with invisible needs. Sometimes the greatest need is as simple as the need for someone to stand beside them with empathy and compassion.

            The only thing I offer to singles and those who know singles is a reminder of what it means for us to be human beings meant to bear the image of God. First, God created us in his image. Secondly, as St. John wrote “God is love.” This means that we were created in God’s image that we might love. This is agreeable to Christ’s teaching who summarized the giving of the law as the commands to love God with all heart, soul, mind and strength; and to love our neighbors as ourselves. So as you or someone you know struggles with singleness let this one truth sink deeply into your soul – You were made that you might love.

            This means that you should respect your desire to want to be married, to spend a lifetime loving someone, to beginning a family where you will bring new life into the world, to love and care for and seek to ready for a life of love to God and neighbor. Don’t belittle such a desire because you have responsibilities that somehow you feel you aren’t doing well so why should you have such dreams of marrying someone. Separate your abilities to do your responsibilities in your single life with your desire to marry. Accept that if you were married there would be some things easier and some things more difficult. But accept it as a given that because you were made in God’s image you were made to be one who loves.

            Let this thought be a pathway to your future. Love is a many-splendored thing. Love is faithful service to God. Love is the desire to do good to and for a neighbor. Love is the turning of a mundane task into a way of happily serving God and providing for the needs of others. Love is the appreciation of a beautiful sunrise so as to give God thanks for the sight, and to share it in a photograph on Facebook so others can share in the beauty you saw. Love is the remembrance that enemies are humans made in God’s image to be loved. Love is the remembrance of people who are despised for racial or ethnic reasons are just as much human beings as the people with whom we identify. We singles often face a certain kind of temptation. We feel imprisoned in a space of confinement looking through barred windows into what we imagine is ordinary lives, like the life lived by the people we imagine have what we desire to have; a nice residence, a nice spouse, handsome lively little children. We imagine that we are living in prisons we do not understand kept out of the life of love for which we yearn. But we are missing one form of love while many forms of love are yet available to us. Sometimes for those of us who are single, we can spend more time in some of these forms of love than any married person with children can spend. So learn to view singleness not only through what you haven’t been given, but by looking through the gates of opportunity to those forms of love which we can enter in these moments of our singlehood. The mistake we can so easily make is to imagine that life begins for us when we get at long last to fall in love and marry that special significant other.  But life does not begin at marriage. It began for us in the womb. Ever since then we have been participating in a journey. It has been a journey in which we were called to bear the image of the God who is love, by our learning to love. Life does not begin at marriage. Life has begun long ago and it is a journey of learning to love, and it is for love that you have been created. Look through the gate to the opportunities of life and you will see a multitude of forms of love that you can choose to give yourself to. You might remain single but if you give yourself to a journey of growing in love it will never be empty. Maybe one day you will marry or maybe you will never marry. If you do someday marry, I will happily throw rice. But if you never marry, you’re still meant to be someone who truly lives and surely loves.

 

Why was Dr. King opposed?

Why was Martin Luther King Jr. so opposed?

Written by Dan McDonald

 

Photo from Seattle Times website honoring Dr. King http://seattletimes.com/special/mlk/

 

            Fifty years have passed since the Selma to Montgomery march. The movie “Selma” about those events is drawing appreciative audiences of both whites and blacks. Fifty years ago Dr. King’s leadership of the civil rights movement was controversial. He won some allies and faced many opponents. A friend and I conversed recently about what caused Dr. King’s appeals for racial equality to be met with such hardened resistance. While racism was an obvious reason, I found that I suspected a second culprit was involved in the resistance to his calls for equality under the law. It is a factor that I have often feared has especially clung to conservatism, to which I have been attached in greater and lesser degrees most all of my life.

            Conservatives could admire Ronald Reagan standing in Berlin and saying at the Berlin Wall, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” But many Conservatives were reluctant to support Dr. King’s calls for America to tear down its walls that prevented a people from enjoying the fullness of their human rights as enshrined in the guarantees of our American Constitution.

            Racism was certainly involved in the opposition to the civil rights movement. But perhaps a more potent enemy of reform existed alongside racism, one too seldom recognized. A theological issue existed in a society that seeks to separate the theological from the political. The America, of the fifties and sixties was, especially for the white majority, proud of itself. We had won two world wars and in the process had become entitled to describe our nation as “the arsenal of democracy”. The mission to stand against an atheistic brand of Communism had led us to add the words “under God” to our pledge of allegiance. We seemed to be the nation called to lead other nations to a better world. We had come to think of our nation as that nation which was different from all other nations. The idea of exceptional-ism is so close to a form of idolatry that perhaps we could not think of ourselves as the nation without beginning to think of our nation as God’s one superior nation. Idolatry proves itself easily enjoyed, powerfully addictive, and cruel as it commands opposition to anything threatening its command over our lives.

            There are two kinds of patriotism possible in our world. The word patriotism is formed from the Latin root word “patri” which means father. Patriotism is that national recognition that we are people who have inherited a legacy from our ancestors, both fathers and mothers. A positive patriotism embraces the concept of each generation gratefully receiving a legacy from former generations and yearning to pass a built upon legacy to future generations.

            But a different kind of patriotism instills in a people a narcissistic illusion demanding superiority over other nationalities and ethnicities. It is a patriotism rooted in madness. It is the sort of patriotism in which a nation imagines it is no longer one of the nations. It breeds a belief that we have received a special charter so we are no longer bound to the normal boundaries. When others make war, or use terror, or inflict torture it is evil, but with us we are the nation that is called to a special mission that justifies all things. To doubt this calling is to attack the very identity we have as this uniquely empowered nation that is like no other nation. We may prove in our actions to be demons and devils but we are God’s demons and devils. We are God’s nation on earth.

            This idolatry was something Christians should not have easily accepted. But it slid in under the radar and we enjoyed feeling a sense of superiority. It felt nice as we moved from being aliens and strangers seeking a city and country whose builder was God, to feeling like we were already in that country. It was an intoxicating illusion. Idolatry is so often an intoxicating addictive narcotic.

            When a nation begins to believe that it is a superior nation to those outside its borders, it will surely regard with suspicion any people within the border who call that superiority into question. The idolatry of a nationalism bound in the trappings of Exceptional-ism will have contempt for anyone who attempts to disfigure and dismantle the bright shiny golden calf of our idolatrous worship.

Dr. King made us Americans aware of racism. Racism was something so obviously contrary to our illusions of our superiority we would have to either dismiss our idolatry or include our superiority over a lesser people demanding equality. Dr. King’s charge of racism came too close to our dear sin of idolatry. We were named as racists but it was the closeness to having our idol dismantled that sent us into a rage. Our golden calf was threatened.

 

 

Downloaded from Shutterstock.com photo by Diez Artwork

 

            If during Dr. King’s life, there had been no golden calf to be defended, the issue of racism would have been easier to handle. We were like other nations, all nations have flaws. Let’s acknowledge this flaw and move on. But our exceptional-ism was at stake and to admit such a glaring oversight of justice would demand us to abandon our belief in our nation’s superiority. Confession is not an easy thing for people convinced they are the better and superior people in the world. We will turn the water cannons, bring out the weapons of brutality, and instruments of torture before we will give up our illusion of superiority.

            If in 2014 we began to question once more how much racism was still obstructing America’s pursuit of equal justice, then in 2015 perhaps we may begin to consider if connected to our faults is the strange madness of idolatry that somehow puts a glittering layer of gold over our faults and induces us to imagine that even our faults show our superiority over the lesser peoples of mankind.

            At times I have loved my nation with an idolatrous affection. At times I have wanted to hate it with an equal idolatry placed in myself. But gradually I have come to love my nation as a nation like all the nations with its possibilities, accomplishments, needs, and its failures. But I can love it and work for its best, from my Christian perspective only as I realize I love it while an alien and stranger seeking a city and country made without hands, whose builder is God. I waken on this Martin Luther King holiday with the freshness of the possibilities before me. His work so many years ago was all part of helping me discover this hope with the freshness I feel this morning.

Struggling with the Dividing Line

Struggling with the Dividing Line

Written by Dan McDonald

 

            The news this past week was sad. The story of terrorist attacks in Paris crowded out other stories also involving human suffering, to a large degree created by man’s inhumanity to man. It seems to me that we need to summarize last week’s news stories before we can begin to see anything like a true picture of the suffering so clear to be seen by us all if we could begin to take it all in.

            The story to grab our attention was the Paris terrorist attacks. An Islamic terrorist cell targeted a newspaper and a kosher goods store. There were slightly under 20 people killed. By Sunday a crowd of a million people showed solidarity with the victims and numerous heads of states showed up to show they wanted free speech in France, even if they tended to jail journalists in their own nations. I saw reports, I am not sure how reliable, that as many as 15 mosques in France were attacked in reprisal. Probably few of these mosques had any connections to the ones carrying out the Paris attacks.

 

Paris mourns victims of the attack - photo from an article in the Guardian

Note to reader: Beneath each photograph is a link to the article with informative articles about these events

 

            Ironically a few hours after the Paris attacks a much more deadly terrorist attack occurred in Nigeria. It was carried out by the terrorist group known as Boko Haram, made famous for its kidnapping of several hundred Nigerian schoolgirls last year. The latest attack by Boko Haram killed an estimated 2,000 people and despite killing close to 100 times more people the Paris story was the one followed by the newspapers and media. One would like to think that it is because there are more news organizations, journalists, and photographers available in Paris, but some might well wonder if European casualties are more newsworthy than African casualties.

 

Photograph after Boko Haram attacks in Nigeria - also taken from an article in the Guardian

 

            Other events were almost completely crowded out of the news. Some of these events are unfolding ongoing longer-term situations that should not be ignored. In the Middle East, the number of refugees fleeing war-torn Iraq and then war-torn Syria now number in the hundreds of thousands. The refugee populations are more than the local and national governments have the ability to provide with the basic necessities of life. The winter weather in the Middle East has come upon the refugees and there have been reports of refugees freezing to death in the cold.

            There is also painful news coming out of Palestine, especially from the Gaza region hard hit in last summer’s war. Infrastructure cannot be repaired for lack of supplies. Tens of thousands are homeless and those who have homes often have no more than three or four hours of electricity a day. Weather related deaths are beginning to occur.

            One of my greatest concerns is how we who are Christians should respond to these news events. Whatever sort of religion one might think is framed by the Koran, the vast majority of Muslims have no desire to harm anyone. I believe the twentieth century Russian novelist Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn once voiced a wise insight to be considered in relationship to last week's events. He wrote the following words in his novel The Gulag Archipelago:

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” – A. Solzhenitsyn

            That is the truth that was really shown this past week. The line dividing good and evil does not cut nicely along national boundaries, racial divides, or religious affiliation. It cuts through each of our own hearts as sometimes we rise to the occasion to do a good deed and sometimes we crumble under temptation doing various things that may be truly called sinful. This is what the attacks in Paris proved. One hero stood out. A young black man named Lassana Bathily, a Muslim protected several Jewish persons at the kosher store as the terrorists struck. If the line separating good and evil showed up in Paris last week it showed up in Muslims participating on both sides of the line dividing good and evil. It happens that way for those identifying themselves as Christians also.

 

 

Lassana Bathily, hero and Muslim saving lives of hostages under attack. Associated story London Evening Times

 

            I fear that the violent acts of evil may not be the most insidious evil in our world. Perhaps the more insidious acts of evil are those where suffering exists that could be alleviated if we cared, when not enough do care. It is at these times that our allegiances and our desire to be tolerant and caring towards all within humanity are tested; when we are especially tempted to believe that the line of good and evil runs between differing people groups rather than across each of our hearts.

            A Palestinian wonders why the world does not speak out and declare that it is not right for Palestinians to be denied the supplies necessary to run electricity throughout the day, or to build shelter for their thousands of homeless. Can there be no intelligent way to allow such supplies through the border controls? One wondered if Palestinian women wore French perfume if the world would then notice their sufferings. It is hard for them to imagine that westerners really care about a Palestinian life. Muslims wonder why Western lives are always important but if a refugee in the Middle East freezes to death that it doesn’t matter.

 

Syrian refugees facing winter’s element at a camp in Lebanon -  Photo and article by the Daily Mail

 

A Gaza playground next to war debris. The photo and important accompanying story appeared in Deutsche Welle

 

            Solzhenitsyn’s insight tells us that for all of our divisions each of us has been born into a single human race. Each of us has this battle raging in our souls between the desire to do good and the tendency to do evil. This is a phenomenon which affects all of humanity. Knowing this we will cling to our convictions while remembering what connects us remains essential to understanding our human story. There are and will be times for frank discussions about religious perspectives and viewpoints. But we should not imagine that another human being’s suffering somehow promotes my religious perspective. If we imagine we love God whom we cannot see but fail to love a man created in God’s image that we can see, we are a deluded people. If we see those who are in need and walk by without helping them to be fed, clothed, and given shelter then of what value is our religion?

            Jesus put it into perspective once with one of his most famous parables. He was speaking to the religious people of his day. He told of an event where a traveler headed for Jericho was attacked by robbers. He was mugged, beaten, and left near the point of death. A Levite came by and walked on by without stopping. A priest came by and made his way across the street to avoid the man. Then came the Samaritan, a people despised by the people to whom Jesus spoke. The Samaritan gave the man help, got him to a place where his wounds could be better treated and where he would be able to stay until he recovered. The Samaritan told the man who owned the room where the suffering man would stay until he recovered to charge the costs to the Samaritan, he would cover the bill.

            I think Solzhenitsyn must have understood this parable. Jesus asks us, “Who was this wounded man’s neighbor?” He might have asked us, “Where is the line dividing good and evil?” Was it between the priest and the Samaritan, or was it a line running through the heart of each? I suppose if Jesus were speaking to his own people in the land where he spoke two thousand years ago, he would likely not speak today of a Samaritan. He would likely speak of the Palestinian who found a wounded man on the side of the road and saw to it that he got the help he needed until he could recover. He would have reminded us of a humanity that involves the Israeli and the Palestinian, the Christian and the Muslim.

            I am going to encourage especially my Christian readers to consider donating at least some money to help relief efforts in the Middle East for the hundreds of thousands of refugees; and also for helping the peoples of Gaza to get back to some sort of normal in their living conditions. I believe that nothing will strike more at terrorism than when we give people a reason to be grateful for our helping them when they are truly in need. I found it difficult to find information on how to help out with needs in the Middle East, but one person I was encouraged to contact was Lynne Hybels. Here is a link to her page for those interested in reading her suggestions as to where you may donate. I would encourage you to check out organizations before you give. It is sad to say, but there are numerous religious organizations which keep dollars for staff salaries and pay pennies to help the needy. If you wish to donate let your money do more than ease your conscience, rather seek if you can to find an organization that helps the suffering in Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Palestine and other locations in the Middle East.

I want to close with a final encouragement. A discouraged soul asked, “Why couldn’t the world have ended in December 2012?” I replied. “So you and I could be given an opportunity, big or small, to make this world a little better place for someone.”