An interview with Tamara Rice on sexual abuse of children - Part One

An Interview with Tamara Rice:

 Regarding Sexual Abuse of Children

Part I:  Preventing and Identifying Abuse

 

A couple of months ago, when some high profile child abuse situations were appearing in the news, Tamara Rice’s writings on these cases caught my attention.  I decided during this year’s Lenten season to take a break from my blogging and decided to ask some guests to present blogs.  Tamara and I decided to use an interview by email format in which on behalf of my readers I would ask questions for her to answer about sexual abuse of children.  It’s one of those subjects needing discussed, even though we probably never want to.  I can think of no one I would rather have discussing these things with my blog readers than Tamara Rice.  It also works out that April has been set aside as “abuse awareness month.”  I want you to know that Tamara also speaks wisdom and truth to many things, as well as telling some interesting stories, so I would recommend regularly visiting her blog at http://hopefullyknown.com/  

 

Tamara, a few years ago many Protestants probably regarded child sexual abuse as a Roman Catholic problem.  Recent events have shown this to also be a problem in other Christian churches, schools, ministries, and homes.  Do you have figures (from reputable sources) showing how widespread sexual abuse of children is?

We have to understand that the statistics we see for child abuse from so-called “secular” sources apply to Christians also. Within those numbers are people from Christian homes, people who attended Christian schools, people who went to Christian churches. And while numbers vary slightly depending on which study you’re looking at, one common statistic is that 38% of females have been sexually assaulted/abused by the time they are 18. For males, by the time they are 18, the estimate is between 5% and 16%--it’s clearly a harder number to nail down because males are less likely to report. (Statistics from G.R.A.C.E.)

A lot of male survivor groups put the number at 1 in 5 or often 1 in 6, and a lot of female survivor groups put the female numbers at 1 in 4, but lifetime risks are higher. Also understand, these stats don’t include victims of physical abuse that isn’t sexual. When we talk about abuse in more general terms these numbers go way up, and unfortunately Christian environments are not immune.

One of the things I have learned from you and others is how programs need implemented which involve prevention, identification, and resolution of sexual abuse.  Would you tell us about some of the features of preventing sexual abuse, and of identifying it when possibly occurring?

 

As far as abuse in Christian environments (Christian school, churches, mission boards, etc.) G.R.A.C.E. has incredible seminars that cover this—things I can’t possibly explain in a couple of paragraphs. But if I could tell people something about prevention it’s that the most important thing a ministry can do is to make sure everyone on staff understands abuse. They have to educate themselves about how predators think and how they act and how children who are abused tend to think and act as well.

The idea that the predator is the creepy guy with a weird mustache is just not reality. Usually the predator is the really charming person (man or woman, even) who is great with children and wonderful at earning trust. Pedophilia is not a perversion that is a result of being some sort of social misfit. It just is. And one reason survivors are so often not believed is because people have a false notion of what a predator is like. Who wants to face the reality that the guy they have had Thursday morning Bible study with for five years is a child molester? But predators are smart and they are also extremely dualistic. They are going to be the guy who goes to Bible study with you every Thursday morning.

Another fallacy is that someone would have to be alone with a child for hours to abuse them. Abuse only takes minutes. Sometimes just seconds. Which is why ministries should have policies that do not allow any adult—no matter who he or she is—to be alone with a child for even a few minutes.

 

Can you talk about the term “grooming”? What is grooming?

 

Predators groom children and they groom the adults around them. What we mean by this is that they pick children they don’t think will talk—for whatever reason—and they subtly program that child first to trust them, then to protect the secret. This might involve making the child believe that they want the sexual contact, that it’s love, that it’s mutual. This brings shame to the child as well as confusion and can effectively silence them. A lot of manipulation goes on, which is why it can take decades for the truth to come out.

 

What we mean by grooming the adults is that they are just as manipulated, often, as the children. They may not realize they are being manipulated into trusting and letting their guard down, but often they are. Back to the Thursday morning Bible study example, meeting you every Thursday morning for Bible study might be part of grooming you, the adult. So that later on, when an allegation comes to light that this person has done something with your child, you’re already doubting your own child, because the abuser worked hard to build trust with you.

 

Tomorrow we will conclude this interview, but hopefully if you haven’t given much thought to child sexual abuse this will help us to realize the need to be informed and educated about how to prevent and identify child sexual abuse.  I would recommend taking advantage of the links in today’s blog to learn more, as it simply isn’t possible to become educated about these matters in a single blog.  In tomorrow’s blog we will focus on what should happen if the worst does happen.  Also I hope my readers will express to Tamara their appreciation for her insights and also her labors in regard to the problem of child abuse.